Wrongful kiss Chapter 11 : Reminiscence September 13th 2011
The back door of the house opened into a small hall which opened into a closet and the kitchen. Carl walked into the kitchen from the hall. Tasha was right behind him. She always let him go first. She might have been the only person in the world that put him before her own self. No one else was this nice to Carl.
‘Carl you can wash your hands over at the sink there. Tasha you go into the bath room and wash your hands.’ Kelly was setting plates on the table. Both of them answered yes mamm.
“I don’t want to do a lot of cleaning tonight so we will eat in here instead of the dinning room.’ The kitchen was just as big as the dinning room and Kelly never liked the dinning room anyway. This was where she and Thomas had always eaten, and she had always thought families should always eat in the kitchen anyway.
There was another yes mamm, this one from Carl.
“I hope you like chicken, Carl.’ She didn’t have to ask, because she already knew. She was just making conversation.
‘Oh yes Miss Kelly, I love it. I will eat just about anything.” Carl was telling the truth. You never know when the next meal is coming so you better not be fussy. Carl didn’t say that last part but he did think it.
‘Reach into the fridge there Carl and get a can coke for Tasha. And I think there is a beer in the back somewhere that you can have.” Kelly was now putting the forks and spoons on the table.
Carl didn’t say anything. He finished drying his hand on a towel hanging there and then did what she had told him to do. Tasha came back into the kitchen.
“All finish.’ She said.
‘You set over there.’ Kelly said pointing to the side of the table away from the sink. “Carl you can set on the end over there. This was the other side away from where she was setting.’ She reached for the paper towels.
Carl and Tasha both set down in the spots they were assigned. Then after tearing off a paper towels for each one and handing it to them, Kelly set down her self.
“Tasha, you say blessing hon.’
‘Okay. Close your eyes Carl.’ Tasha was looking at Carl watching for him to close his eyes. Then after they were closed she looked to see if her mother had closed her eyes. Then she closed her own.
“God is good, God is great. By his hands we are feed. Let us think him for our food. Amen.’
“Amen’ Carl said.
Kelly didn’t say anything out load, but her lips moved.
‘Carl we have pea’s, mash potatoes, and fried chicken. So dig in and eat all you want. It will go into the trash if we don’t eat it all, so eat it all.’
‘Don’t forget the biscuits mama.’ Tasha said.
“I am not worried about the biscuits. I know Carl like biscuits and I know he will eat all of them he can. Carl I made the gravy special for you because I know you like gravy on your biscuits.”
“Oh yes mam Ms Kelly. I use to eat Biscuits and gravy with Mr. T…” Carl didn’t finish the words. Kelly looked at Carl, but she didn’t catch the almost slip of the words.
They started to eat in silence. The food was that good, and Kelly really knew how to cook.
Thomas had showed Kelly how to cook. He had given her some old family receipts. So Kelly always thought Thomas had made her a good cook. That was before she met Keith.
Keith had been a army recruiter when Kelly first met him but he had been a cook when he first joined. Before that he had worked in restaurants. Keith was a chef. He had showed her how to cook. No sir, this was one skill she was happy to say Thomas did not teach her.
Everyone at the table was hungry. They were filling an empty spot inside. So no one said anything for the first few minutes making the quite was so load that if anyone had spoken, they might have scared the others, which is what Kelly did.
“So which one of you two is going to spill the beans and tell me what is going on?’ Kelly was giving her daughter the eye.
Carl didn’t say anything but just looked at Tasha.
“What?’ Tasha asked. She was totally taken by surprise by this questing. “What do you mean?’
“Don’t give me no lip little girl. I know you are up to something. You two have been sneaking around all day. You can’t fool me.’
“Tasha wants me to help her with something.” Carl said. ‘She wants to be a spy and wants me to help her train.’
Tasha’s eyes were wide open, Carl was ratting her out. She would never have guessed Carl would turn against her so quick.
“We are working out secret codes and secret passwords and such.’ Carl continued, “so that no one can spy back on us.”
Tasha’s mouth was open. Carl had just lied. She didn’t remember talking to him about no secret codes and … Now she got it.
She was a little bit scared she was going to get into trouble. She didn’t know if her mother would go for this or not. She looked at her mother then to Carl.
‘You said you would not tell.’ She said looking at Carl. Then she looked back at her mother. “I can’t be a spy if I don’t have a secret hand shake and password.”
Kelly didn’t say anything. She just kept eating and watching her daughter and Carl. Kelly’s head was moving ever so slightly up and down as if to say sure.
‘You can be a spy if you want to. But only on one condition.’ Kelly said.
Carl took a drink of his beer. He really wanted a drink of liquor.
‘Okay,’ said Tasha. ‘What is it?’
‘You have to keep me informed on all your missions before you do them.’ Kelly took a drink out of her glass. It was a wine of some kind. Not the cheap kind. “Think of me as the director of the spy group.”
‘Deal’ Tasha said, a little too fast. Kelly was watching her again.
‘Carl, I mean you also.’ Kelly said. ‘You had better make sure that you tell me.’
‘Yes mamm.’ Carl said, ‘everything.’
Kelly set there. She was drinking her wine, looking at Carl, thinking who was this man really? What did she know about him? She had known him for a couple years now. And he had never done anything wrong as for as she knew.
Of course she knew that he had been in prison, and she knew why, and that some people had been killed. But she had also known that he had not really been a bad person. She was told that on the day he had gotten into trouble, he was just supposed to be a look out. He was not really involved. But that didn’t stop him from serving over thirteen years in prison.
And everyone she had talked to before hiring him had said he was really a good person. But now as he set here at her table eating her food, she thought to her self what did she really know about him?
Then like someone hitting her up side the head, it clicked to her. She knew who he was.
‘Carl, I know you don’t I?’ she set her drink down. “I know who you are. I remember you now”
Carl looked at Kelly with fear in his eyes. She had figured it out. Now she would make him leave and never let him come around her or Tasha again.
‘Yes Miss Kelly, you know me.’ Carl was speaking is a very small child like voice that sounded like he was frighten to death.
‘Carl, you were there. You remember him. You know him don’t you?’ Kelly asked.
‘Who miss Kelly?’ Who was she talking about? Did she mean Thomas Saratoga? Was she asking him about Thomas Saratoga? ‘Are you talking about ….’
‘You knew Thomas, didn’t you? You worked for him. I remember coming into the store and you being there. I remember talking to you. I remember you being there.’
Tasha’s head went up when she heard the name Thomas. Carl was the man mother was in love with. How was that possible?
She had heard her mother cry over this name so many time over the years, and it was Carl? Why had he not told her?
‘Thomas.’ Tasha said. ‘Mama, is this him?’ Tasha turned to Carl, “Are you Thomas?’ she asked?
“No.” said Carl, laying his fork down and setting back in his chair.
‘Tasha, I want you to go to your room now. I need to talk to Carl alone.’ Kelly said.
‘Mama….’
‘Tasha I am not playing now.’ Then Kelly had a thought, she stood up, “Stay put Tasha. Finish eating. When you are finish I want you to clean the kitchen for me then I will let you come join us out side.’
Then Kelly looked at Carl. ‘Carl I want you to come out side with me. I need to talk to you.’
‘Yes mam.’ Carl said as he stood.
“Bring your plate with you Carl so you can finish eating also.”
“Yes mamm.” Carl said as he reached and took the plate.
The two of them walked out side.
Carl found himself setting on the swing set again only this time it was the mother that was there with him talking to him. He had finished eating and Kelly had called Tasha out to get the plate. She told Tasha to bring Carl another beer. Then said just bring all of them.
‘Carl do you remember Thomas?’ Kelly asked in a low scared voice. She was scared because she was feeling that the past would come back to put her down again.
‘Yes mam.’ He said. ‘I remember him very well.’
‘Can you tell me where he is? What happen to him?’ Kelly was about to explode. Where was Thomas? She had hunted for him for so long.
‘I am not sure what you mean. I don’t know that anything happened to him.’
Kelly was not doing this right she thought. “Carl, I come home from school one day and Thomas never showed up. My mother had died that day.
I was told Thomas was in the hospital and they would not let me see him. I was then sent away and I never found out what happen to him. For all I know he could be dead.’
Kelly didn’t think he was dead. She knew he had sold the store, but then he disappeared. And yesterday she had been told he had left because of a letter she had written.
‘Oh no mam he didn’t die. I remember seeing him …’ Carl stopped, looked up and was thinking. Then he said ‘this was about the last time I seen him, or close to it. I asked about you and he said you never come home. It was when I was in… prison.”
“He said I never come home.” Kelly repeated his words.
“Yes mam. After you left, I was with Mr. Thomas when he was trying to find you. I was there when he was given your letter asking him to leave you alone. It broke his heart Ms. Kelly. That was a bad night.”
“The letter, Carl did you see the letter?”
“Oh yes, I was there when it was given to him.”
“Who gave him the letter Carl?” Kelly asked.
“I don’t know the name. But she lived across the street here.”
“Ms Johnson, that fucking bitch mother, of the cop.” Kelly said.
“Mr. Thomas was heart broken after that Ms. Kelly. She told Thomas you left with someone and said you were not coming back. She said it was a man.”
Kelly was thinking. Her mind was going a mile a minute. ‘She told you I had gone away with a man?’ Kelly said.
“Yes mam. After she gave the letter to Thomas she said that. She was real sweet and caring the whole time.’
“And you never saw me after that Carl?”
No mam, not till you give me a job.” Carl said. He took the last drink of his beer and set the can beside him.
Kelly reached over and pulled another lose from the last three of the six pack. She handed it to Carl.
Kelly already knew that Thomas had sold the store about eight months after her mother had died. He then left town and no one ever saw him again.
After she returned, there was no trace of him anywhere. And she could never find any of the people that they had known.
She had even tried to find Carl. She thought to her self what if she had found Carl wonder what would have happened then. She had been on the streets at the time with a small baby. She had found her self a loser boy friend to care for her and the baby at the time. But what if she had found Carl? What would have happened then?
“Carl you said Thomas tried to find me?” She asked.
“Yes Ms. Kelly. We both did.” Carl took a drink of beer.
“Ms. Kelly, he didn’t do anything except hunt you. He didn’t eat, he didn’t work. He didn’t do anything. All he did was drink and hunt you.”
“But he had to know where I was? He had to know my mother died?
“Ms. Kelly all the police would tell us was that your mother died and that you were sent to live with relatives. When Mr. Thomas said he was your guardian, they asked for papers. When he had none, they said that he had best forget you or he was going to end up in jail.”
Carl stopped and took a breath, and then another drink.
“But that did not stop him, he kept right on looking. Then one day the lady across the street said she had a message for him from you. She said that before you left you had told her to give him a letter and tell him that you were going to live with someone you had met and love very much, and if he ever cared for you, to please leave you alone and never bother you again.”
Carl had a tear running down his face. He was setting there looking down at the ground as he spoke these words. Now he looked up at Kelly, he seen Tasha standing behind her, and he said,
“That was the night he tried to kill his self.”
“What?” screamed Kelly “He didn’t…”
“No mam, but he tried.” Carl looked away.
Kelly was setting on the edge of the table with her hand over her mouth.
Tasha then spoke up, “I found this in back of the bowl of the refrigerator mama, and I am almost done cleaning.’ She set another six-pack of beer on the table.
Kelly didn’t say anything. She looked at her daughter then to Carl.
‘Carl, what did people say about me back them?’
Carl looked down. His eyes were on the ground. He didn’t want to say anything.
‘Carl I want to know. What did they say about me and Thomas?’
Carl looked up. He looked over and seen Tasha standing there. He didn’t say anything.
‘Tasha I want you to listen to me. I need about thirty minutes more alone with Carl.’
Tasha started to say something but didn’t when her mother raised her hand and her pointing finger went into the air.
‘You want to be a spy, or you want to spend the rest of your life in your room?’ she asked her daughter.
‘I need to finish cleaning the kitchen.’ said Tasha.
They waited for her to leave then Kelly looked back to Carl.
“What kind of relationship did they say we had Carl?” Kelly asked.
“Well I heard Mr. Joe say one time that he thinks that Mr. Thomas was sleeping with you.” Carl looked at Kelly. His face was already red from all the drinking he did, other wise it would have been redder.
“Mr. Dick was very mad when he said this and told him if he wanted his job that he had better hoped no one ever heard him say something like that again. And that if it was true then it was only the business of Mr. Thomas and you.”
“What did you think we were doing Carl?” Kelly asked. She knew she was putting him on the spot but she had to know. She had waited too long to know.
Carl didn’t say anything. He didn’t know what to say.
“What did you Think Carl?’
“I thought that maybe you loved him Ms. Kelly. That was the way you acted. I never thought much about anything else.” Carl was lying.
Kelly looked at him. “Carl why did you stop working for Thomas when you did?” she asked. Carl had gone to work for Thomas after his mother died. Carl was about fifteen at the time. Then one day he just up and quit.
Carl did not say anything. Kelly remembered that Carl had been in the store almost every time she had been there, and that he had all at once just stopped working for Thomas and left.
“It was because of me, wasn’t it?” she asked.
Carl dropped his eyes and said “Yes” in a very low voice. “On that last day I saw you Ms. Kelly, you turned me down for a date. I was around sixteen and you were almost fourteen. We were in the store and I was hurt.
Then when Mr. Thomas come in you went in the back with him. I thought maybe you were asking him if it would be okay so I followed you back there and I saw you kiss Mr. Thomas. I stood there for several minutes and watched you and him kiss. Then I just left.”
Oh My God, thought Kelly. He quit because he see us. “Carl you seen us kiss?” she asked.
“Yes mamm.” He said, but she heard him say I seen more with those two words.
“We all thought you were mad because I would not go out on a date with you.” said Kelly. “Thomas spent half the night trying to find you.”
“I know Ms. Kelly. I was hiding and watching him. But I was scared.”
“What was you scared of Carl?” asked Kelly.
Carl set there and said nothing. Then he said, “I was scared I would hurt Mr. Thomas. I was mad at what I seen and I did not know what I was going to do. So I ran away.”
“It was all, my fault. I hurt so many people.” Kelly said.
“Oh no Ms. Kelly, you did nothing wrong. You cannot help how your heart feels. And Mr. Thomas and I made up later.”
Kelly looked at him. Made up? How?
“Made up Carl, how did you and Mr. Thomas make up?”
Carl took another drink of beer.
“Well Ms. Kelly, after Mr. Thomas sold the store he made a deal with the new owners for me to get my job back and they would keep me on. But then the people I had been hanging with talked me into doing something I should not have and I was sent away.”
Carl dropped his head. He did not want Kelly to look him in the face.
“Carl, why was Thomas so nice to you. Did he ever touch you or try to do anything like that?”
“Oh no Ms. Kelly, never Mr. Thomas would never, do something like that. No way. Mr. Thomas was not that kind of person.”
Carl stop talking and started thinking what he was saying. Was Thomas that kind of people? Thomas had never tried to do anything like that with him, but didn’t he do it with Ms. Kelly. He didn’t know for sure, but he thought so.
“No mamm, Mr. Thomas never did anything wrong like that to me.”
“Was Thomas a good guy or bad guy Carl?” asked Tasha. She had let the questing out before she could stop herself. She had did her work and come back out so quietly that Kelly and Carl didn’t even know she was there.
Tasha just had to know this story. It had captured her a long time ago, and this man was a mystery she had to learn, and she had been setting here so quite that sometimes she had almost for got to breath.
She saw her mother look up at her, so she turned her head to the ice cream she had that was now mostly melted. She took a spoon full and ate it.
“Mr. Thomas was the closes person I ever knew to being like a father to me.” Carl said. “He is the only man I know that has never judged me.”
Kelly felt a little bond with Carl. On the one hand she loved Thomas for all the reasons a woman loves a man. But also she had loved the father he had become to her. And here was Carl saying that Thomas was like a father to him also. That would make them like brother and sister. She laughed.
Both Tasha and Carl looked at her with a puzzled look.
“I am sorry Carl.” She said. “I am not laughing at you, but if he was like a father to you, and he was like a father to me, then we are brother and sister.”
“Yes.” Tasha said as she raised her arm with a fist, bringing it down in a victory sign. “That makes you my Uncle Carl.”
Carl smiled, that was a victory for him, but not the one he hoped for.
“Carl when was the last time you saw Thomas?” Kelly asked?
“I am not real sure Ms. Kelly but I think it was around about sixteen years ago. I was in prison and he come seen me. After that he sent me money every month for a few years. The money stopped coming about three months before I was released. But I had $5000.00 waiting on me when they turn me out. I am sure it all came from Mr. Thomas.” He took a drink of beer.
Kelly looked into the sad eyes of Carl. She knew life had given him a bad deal, but then, he had also had a hand in part of the shuffle. He had not had it no worse than anyone else, and better than some.
Kelly was thinking. Crazy thoughts for sure, but thoughts she needed answers for.
“Carl what did Thomas do when he found out I was gone, before he was given the letter?” Kelly asked.
“Ms Kelly, Mr. Thomas hired me to drive him around hunting for you. We went everywhere. He had these old addresses that you had lived at with you family, and also addresses of relatives of your father. We went every where.” Carl paused. He looked Kelly in the face.
“Ms. Kelly he was so drunk most of the time. And crying, and talking crazy about killing his self and hating the world.”
Kelly was so surprised. She had never heard any of these stories before, and it did not sound like her Thomas. He was always so strong.
“That does not sound like my Thomas, Carl.” Kelly said.
“I know Ms. Kelly. But without you, he was just, nothing. He didn’t care about anything. Not even living.”
“Carl what happened next?” Tasha asked?
“Well I ended up staying with Mr. Thomas for a few months. On some days he would be sober and so we would make trips to areas he had heard that you might be at and on the days he was too drunk to go he would give me some money and the car keys and tell me to go find you.”
“He never stopped hunting me Carl?” Kelly said.
“Not until he got the letter Ms. Kelly.
“What happen then Carl?”
“After Thomas heard what that old lady said he went home and really started drinking.” Carl did not use the Mister this time.
“I was there with him that night. And I had a few drinks with him. But then he got his gun out and started playing with it. He was saying things like he was going to kill his self and talking all crazy. I was scared.”
“Carl I bet you were not scared. I bet you are not scared of anything.” Tasha had said this.
“Oh Ms. Tasha, I am not like you. I am a coward. I scare myself sometime.” He laughed.
Kelly and Tasha did also.
“I am not scared of anything Carl.” Tasha said.
“I know Ms. Tasha.” Carl said, and then took another drink.
“What did you do next?” Kelly asked?
“Well I set there with Mr. Thomas for a few hours, and he was getting drunker and drunker. And he was playing with his gun.”
Carl was beginning to shake again.
“Ms. Kelly he unloaded the gun and then put one bullet back into it and spun the chamber. Then he put it to his head and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened so he took the bullet out and retried it.”
Tasha’s jaw had fallen open.
“What happened then Carl?” Kelly asked.
“Well he was saying he was going to kill his self and that with out you he did not want to live. So I told him I was going to leave.”
Then Carl stopped talking. He looked really scared.
“That’s when Mr. Thomas looked at me and said I could leave, but then he pointed the gun at me and said to me if I said anything to anyone, or brought any one back with me, that he would kill both me and them.”
“And I bet you never did tell anyone did you Carl.” said Tasha.
“I have never had anyone to tell it to Ms. Tasha until tonight.”
The three of them set there in thought.
Tasha was thinking about this mysterious man, Thomas Saratoga. She thought he must be a very strong and brave man, like a knight in shinning armor. But at the same time he must also be a poor pitiful lost soul. She had heard her mama say he was a lost soul that needed fixing.
Kelly was thinking about Thomas also. She had never fixed his broken soul like she thought she would. She had only hurt him more. She was now drawing inside her all the pain she could feel that Thomas must have felt. Kelly had always known in her heart that Thomas had never left her alone because he wanted to. Now she knew he had done so because of her actions, because she had tried to protect him, and it only hurt him and her also. But at lease now she knew that he loved her more than life itself.
Carl was thinking about one thing. He was worried if the liquor store was going to be still open when he got there.
